A New Era

I've been knocked sideways and backwards this week trying to come to terms with Malcolm's recent marriage. When I first heard about it, I thought I didn't mind and was okay for several days. Then the reality struck and it has been quite dreadful. The sense of loss is overwhelming and I don't even have widowhood to sustain me. Poor me. I know I need to stop moaning but it is so hard. OK, I have stuff to do so I will go and do it.

Grandson Week

This past week was half term so I had Adam for a date on Wednesday. We went to a film in the afternoon - Percy Jackson and the Lightening Thief Then we went to the Wheatley Service Area and partook of a delicious Kentucky Fried Chicken meal. We decided against the Dong Dong this time because Adam had never had KFC. We came home andwatched a couple of recorded movies - Shrek and Toy Story -a couple of excellent classics. We were in bed by ten and had a good sleep. He didn't bring any sharp edged toys this time so I wasn't in danger of being stabbed in my sleep. The next morning, Rachel picked him up at nine to go to his swimming lesson. A good time was had by both.

Tonight I have Harry here for an overnight. He is not old enough yet to sleep in a bed with me so he is in the travel cot in a room of his own. Alison and Sian are spending the night with a friend who is having a birthday and happens to live in Oxford. Harry is getting many more words now and I can often understand him when he speaks. We will have breakfast together tomorrow and then the Mummies will turn up in time for lunch and then, off they go back to Brighton. I am so lucky to have such excellent grandchildren.

My Valentine

I found out yesterday that Malcolm got married on the 1st of February. I guess this is my Valentine for this year. Because it had taken him so long, I wasn’t expecting it. I was pretty upset when I first heard about it but, as the day went on, I found myself not minding. Marriage means a lot to me and maybe I had been waiting for this before I could really move on. As long as he wasn’t married, he was still available. I know that sounds crazy and pathetic but I think it is the way it is (was) for me. I still find the whole business quite unreal but I’m hoping that this new phase will see me coming out the other side in a better place. It is unfortunate that the weather here at the moment is so cold and grey and wet. I could do with a bit of sunshine and warmth.

SeeSaw Interview

I am back from my assessment interview at SeeSaw. I talked at some length with the head lady and we decided that it would be better for me if I were to drop out of the training. I think they had talked together and already made that decision. My emotional state is still too raw and changeable. For most things I do, this doesn’t matter but dealing with a grieving child is not the time for me to burst into tears and I’m afraid that might happen. Of course I’m disappointed. It’s another failure to add to my list but I’m also relieved. When I started crying in the training session last Saturday morning, I knew that all was not well. I was glad that my interview wasn’t until today (five days later) because I thought I might recover during that time and be able to carry on. I walked to the interview and knew by the time I got there that it wasn’t going to work. I am sorry about it but I also know that this is for the best.

The Winner

Long Time No Blog -- Congratulations. Sian Williams wins the prize - dinner for two at restaurant of her choice complete with baby sitter. Date to be arranged.

LTNB

What does the title above stand for? The first right answer gets a prize.

I've been away for a bit. Away from the blog that is. One thing I have done was to spend a weekend at Earnley. That is my favourite residential course giving place. I went with Alison. She did spinning and I did choral singing. We had a wonderful time. I loved it so much I have been looking for a choir to join in Oxford. I may have found one. I'm going tomorrow evening to see about one that Diana told me about.

The other thing I have been doing is continuing with SeeSaw. I have been going for training classes on Tuesday evenings and have also had a couple of all day Saturday sessions. We are learning about dealing with children who are in grief over the death of a near relative. I have an assessment interview tomorrow to see how I am doing. I will be with them for an hour talking about the training and how both I and they think I am doing. It really hit me last Saturday how harrowing this work will be. If I make it through to the end, it won't be like reading or role playing; it will be the real thing with a real child who has maybe lost a parent or sibling.

I should post some pictures but I am still trying to learn the Imac system of dealing with photos. It is the one thing that I haven't found easy with this machine. Other than that, I am loving it.

Later