July 11

Today would have been George's birthday. He would have been 72. His death is still a great mystery to me. He had no vices.

I was at Ruskin today for day 4 of my drawing course. It didn't go very well today. Drawing from a cast is more difficult than still life. I felt very depressed and sad. Maybe it was because of George but it felt more like "Little Orphan Annie"* making a visit. "ACR"** was not much in evidence. I hope she comes back tomorrow. She was with me all day yesterday. "Little Orphan Annie" won't leave without a fight. Tomorrow is the last day of the course and I won't be sorry. I would rather accept that I can't draw than suffer through another course like this one. Next weekend at Earnley will be much better. I have homework to do now. UGH!

* "Little Orphan Annie" - the name I have given to one of the people who lives inside me. She is very dependant and sad and pathetic and needs constant looking after. She's a pain in the 'you know what' but she has no intention of giving up her hold on me without a terrific fight.
** "ACR" - that's the big grown up person who is determined to have and enjoy a new life. She also lives inside of me. She would like to see the back of "LOA" and who knows, she might manage it one day.